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MURPHY'S LAW |
If anything can go wrong, it will, and. .
1. It will go wrong at the worst possible time
2. Anything you plan will cost more and take
longer
3. To fix anything requires a tool that you don’t
have |
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THE JELLY BREAD PHENOMENON
(by Murfo of ancient Greece)
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Jelly-bread falls on a carpet jelly side down 100%
of the time (despite laws of probability)
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ON-RECIPROCAL LAWS OF EXPECTATIONS |
1. Negative
expectations yield negative results
2. Positive expectations yield negative results |
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LEWIS'S LAW |
No matter how long you shop for an item, after you
buy it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper
|
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THE FIRST LAW OF AERODYNAMICS |
When the aeroplane you are on is late then your
connecting flight is always on time
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JOHNSON'S COSMIC OBSERVATION
|
The other line always moves faster.
|
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OSBORN'S LAW OF CALCULATIONS |
1.
Variables wont
2. Constants aren't |
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THE TRANSPORTATION AXIOM |
Truck deliveries that normally take one day, take
five when you're waiting
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COMPUTER AND PROGRAMMING AXIOMS |
1. Any
program, when run, is obsolete.
2. The uselessness of any program is directly
proportional to the need for it
3. All programs expand to fill all available
memory
4. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the
capability of the programmer to use or maintain it
5. The critical error in a program is always
discovered exactly six months after the installation of the program
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THE MACHINEMANSHIP POSTULATE
|
When any machine fails, it does so at the most
inconvenient time.
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LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY |
An object will fall so as to do the most damage
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GEORGE'S DEDUCTION |
When all else fails, read the instructions
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SELMAN'S SECOND OBSERVATION
|
If enough data is collected, anything can be
proved with statistics
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PARKINSON'S LAWS |
1. Work
expands to fill the time available for its completion.
2. Expenditures rise to meet income.
3. Scientific progress varies inversely with the
number of journals and articles published.
4. The number of people in a work group tends to
increase regardless of the work to be done.
5. Officials in any bureaucracy create work for
each other (and need for larger staff) at a rate equal to the square
of their total number (which, by formula, keeps increasing). |
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THE PETER PRINCIPLE:
|
In any hierarchy every employee tends to rise to
his level of incompetence. This means that:
1. In time, incompetents occupy all positions.
2. Good work is done by lower-level people who
have not yet reached their level of incompetence |
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SPECIALISATION |
A specialist learns more and more about less and
less until he knows everything about
nothing
|
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CHEOP'S AXIOM |
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within
budget
|
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LAWS OF COMMITTEEOLOGY |
1. Length
of the meeting rises with the square of the number present
2. Time spent on an agenda item varies in inverse
proportion to its importance or clarity |
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BOREN’S LAWS OF BUREAUCRACY |
1. If in
doubt MUMBLE
2. If in trouble DELEGATE |
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THE ARMY AXIOM |
Any order that can be misunderstood will be
misunderstood
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AND THE BEST OF THE LOT |
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'TOOLE'S OBSERVATION |
Murphy was an optimist! |
